Everything Cool is Connected

Thus sayeth Atila and Laszlo in their rules for life. Thanks to Jenianiblocks, this hypothesis has been logically proven, with the final evidence shining on her blog. We will explore this in the form of a debate using Aristotilian logic.

Assertion: Everything cool is connected.
Warrant: For example, cool people likes pirates.
Case study: Tom Waits and pirates.
Defintions: Tom Waits: singer/songwriter; the very definition of "cool." Pirates: well-dressed, semantically unique buckaneers.
Evidence 1: In Shrek 2, Tom Waits played a pirate.
Evidence 2: Tom Waits wrote a song about being a pirate called "Shiver Me Timbers."
Qualifications: "Everything," while an all-inclusive term, stands.
Case study: Tom Waits and my dad's beer.
Evidence: (see below syllogism)
Tom Waits loves pirates.
My dad loves pirates and named his beer after them
:. Tom Waits would appreciate my dad's beer.
Concessions: Van Morrison has never been to McNellie's. He is, however, Irish, so tangential connections can be assumed.
Conclusion: Given the evidence, the assertion stands.

The affirmative rests.

Textual Harrassment

Submitted for your approval:

durrvinity: being stupid enough to believe everything your preacher says
classterbation: the experience of having a hot teacher
factcetious: acting like you are kidding when you are really telling the truth
smelldew: stinky moldy smell your house gets in the winter from no identifiable source
feligned: when a cat who has previously been nice to you suddenly decides they hate you
snorgasm: great feeling you get when you are really tired and finally get to go to bed
flaggot: gay Republican

Domestic!

I made bread last night and feel like SUCH a badass. That's always seemed like the ultimate thing. Cook your own bread. But I did and it is SO GOOD! It has beer in it. Mmm.

The Ick Continues

Ya'll wanna know how sick I am? I am so fucking sick that I feel no guilt whatsoever about taking yesterday AND today off work. None.

In other news, NyQuil dreams are so awesome.

MF is a Freak of Nature

The law of averages and any normal statistics do not apply to me. I'm always either dumbassing into really awesome opportunities that had a one in a billion chance of happening or I develope medical conditions otherwise not known to man.

As a child, I had chicken pox three times. It is not medically possible, but I did. And now, it seems, I may have defied all possibilities and developed mono for the second time, despite a) having it in 5th grade due to gratuitous soda sharing and b) kissing the same person for over three years. How did I get it? Dunno. Am I going to get it again? Probably.

So is it any wonder that I worry about dying from Ebola far more than heart disease? Are you suprised that I am more scared of airplanes than fast cars? And that being hit by a meteorite seems like a perfectly plausible way for me to go? Floods hold no horror for me, but everytime a plane passes over, I pray a little that they won't dump the frozen waste containers just yet.

All because I have had chicken pox three. goddam. times.

(I was going to write about Steve Irwin, but MS already beat me to it.)