Fucking Stupid Extremists

Wow. I almost, out of habit, typed "fucking stupid country," but, um...it would appear I don't really believe that anymore. And you want to know why?

Because President (I know, right????) Obama is Hypnotizing Us!

You are getting sleeeepy...possibly because for the first time in eight years we don't feel the crushing weight of an incompetent government bent on bringing about the Apocalypse.

Apparently, "using rhetorical strategies to create an engaging and persuasive argumentative speech" is the same as "bewitching the masses with hypnosis."

People, this has gone on long enough! For centuries, our country has been duped by an evil flood of Svengali who used their nefarious powers to sucker us into implementing social change that leads to further fulfillment of our own social contract, The Constitution! Is this the kind of charlatan you want running your country??

Old Abe wasn't so honest after all!

Besides those techniques discussed in the paper such as "repetition" and "appeal to emotions," Obama and his shaman predecessors also resorted to such base tactics as "using logic and reasoning" and "convincing people that they are worth something."

These two were the masters.

If the last eight years have taught us nothing, we should at least know by now that a real leader is a surly bully that doesn't give a shit about how the public perceives him, gleefully stomps on those less fortunate, and MOST IMPORTANTLY has absolutely zero command of the English language. Because people who talk right and make sense are gay.