A Response to Someone Likeminded

First, go read C's post about bodies.

This is one of my pet subjects, and as that Fat Feminist, I'd like to chime in and expand on my point a bit. It's flattering that she still remembers that conversation. Cool.

I equate body size (large or small) to homosexuality because there is a control factor. A gay man can control the outward expressions of his sexuality in order to approximate the norm. He can date women, marry one, have children with her, etc. But at what psychic cost? It is not, nor will it ever be, who he is. However, a heteronormative society can still push him to live in a way that is contrary to his nature because sexual expression is something we can, in a way, control. Further, it is said to be for his own good because his abnormality is a "disease" (homosexuality wasn't removed from the DSM until 1973).

Similarly, I can be (and have been) an "acceptable" size. This was accomplished through means that were unnatural, unhealthy, and, eventually, dangerous, both physically and mentally. But it technically could be done. If I had enough "control" or "willpower" then I could do it. It would not be me. I would not be healthy. But it is possible. (Sidenote--and this is based on BMI, which, according to more stuff than I really want to go into on a Friday night is baloney). And that's what's so seductive.

I hear that I choose to be fat. If you want to be technical, yes, that is true. I choose to not do bad, mean things to myself in order to look like somebody else wants me to. Fine. You know what? I don't owe my body to anyone. Even if I am a woman, I am not obligated to please anyone with my appearance. I eat in a way that makes me feel energetic, satisfied without being overly full, and healthy. I am never going to get thin that way. For that I have to eat, say, a piece of dry toast for breakfast, a carton of fat free yogurt for lunch, and a bowl of plain white rice for dinner, then throw up half the rice because it has starches in it, all in the course of working a 14 hour day at three difference jobs. That is the true story of how I got down to a size ten. What sucks is I didn't even get to enjoy that size because I was too busy starving to death.

None of this is to say that EVERYONE should be fat and NO ONE should ever lose weight. I've lost a small amount weight recently as a function of not being miserable at my new job. Lots of people overeat due to depression, or don't know how to make intuitive food choices, or grow up with Southern moms who don't eat vegetables and maybe eating in a way that is more healthy for them might, as a by-product, cause them to lose weight. But it's just that--a by-product of making yourself better. My point is that no one should feel obligated to look like something. Because you know what? Even if I could help it--even if I sat around stuffing my face with burgers and twinkies and lard lollypops all day, I still don't owe anyone my body! Like being gay, me being fat does not effect anyone else one goddam bit.

And a note to Oprah: Do you, the most successful woman in the world, really want to beat yourself up for failing to disappear yourself sufficiently?